Boring Breastfeeding Post

*Warning: This post contains imagery that may be disturbing to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.

Yesterday was the first day in Lily's life that she didn't have breast milk. It was definitely harder on me than it was on her. Breastfeeding was a journey for me. I wanted so desperately to breastfeed since, of course, it is the very best thing for babies. But from the very beginning there were struggles. I honestly don't know how these things are not more commonly talked about when they are, apparently, very common. I went into it thinking breastfeeding is natural, and somehow in that thinking equated it with breastfeeding being easy. I knew it was a commitment, don't get me wrong. But I never, ever expected it to be as hard as it was for me. It started out with an incorrect latch that tore me open from here to next Tuesday. And because I was feeding about every two to three hours, the wound was repeatedly torn open and never allowed to heal. Every feeding was excruciating agony. Tomáš had to hold my legs while I started the feed, as I screamed in pain and thrashed around the bed.   I remember him asking, ''How come I've never seen this in any movies or anything?'' And it's true. Have you? I tried everything to help matters. Nothing worked. Well-meaning friends told me to use lanolin, but that only helps with soreness, not wounds. I tried gentian violet, despite its disturbing qualities, I tried leaving it alone, I tried wet-wound healing, I tried dry-wound healing, I tried saltwater, I tried sunlight and you know what finally worked? Stopping breastfeeding. It took six-and-a-half weeks to heal. I remember to the day. At five weeks Lily and I ended up in the hospital. I had low milk supply and didn't know it. She cried so much and so hard I got worried and took her in. She had cried herself hoarse. Turns out she was just hungry. I started exclusively pumping and the doctor put her on formula. And that little girl started making up for lost time. She was eating every 2.5 hours around the clock. You could set your watch by it. I would give her what meager little supply I had and then supplement with the formula. Once the ideal of breastfeeding was gone I set my sights on pumping. We bought a good electric pump and I set to work. I know this all sounds so ridiculous to some, but I wanted so badly for her to have the best that I was willing to do anything for it. And it cost me. Dearly. A good friend sent me some fenugreek herb, which helps increase supply and I'll never be able to thank her enough for what she did for me and for Lily. It helped a lot. I started pumping around the clock. Every single time Bug would eat I would pump, and then some. I would go to bed at nine and wake up at 12, three and six. I would be up in the night for an hour at a time, usually longer. I didn't sleep for ten months. Then it started to show. I started losing my memory. I don't honestly know if lack of sleep was the reason, but it sure couldn't have helped. Lily's feeding had changed a little so she'd eat about 9:30 or 10, so that meant I was going to bed at 9 and then being woken a half an hour or an hour later. I started researching interrupted sleep and I found that the first four or so hours of sleep at night are the most important. That is when we have our most regenerative sleep. So finally I made Tomáš start helping with some of the feedings. I stopped pumping through the night, but still pumped seven times during the day. I told you it cost me. But I can honestly say it was worth it. I went from being able to give Lily about 1/7 bottles a day of my own milk to 7/7 for weeks at a time. Sometimes it would dip and I'd have to give her some formula, but in general my hard work paid off. She is a big, strong girl. Bug has only been sick one time in 17 plus months (aside from a runny nose last week). But there were so many crazy emotional rollercoasters I took rides on that I'd just like to thank Tomáš and my mom and friends who were so supportive through it all. You know who you are. And to fellow future mommies, I hope I didn't scare you away from breastfeeding, I just wanted you to have some warning that it will probably not be a cakewalk, but it's worth sticking to it. (Eww, sticking). And that brings us to my breastfeeding puns; These are things I've actually said over the last 17 months:
This sucks.
I've been pumping around the clock, do you know how draining that is?
Pumping really takes a lot out of you.
and lastly...I actually cried over spilt (breast)milk. : ) 

*Normal posts to follow, I promise ; )